How to Get Customers to Respect Your Boundaries!

Listen...I've been dancing for over a decade and can't think of a single shift where boundaries haven't come up! 

If you think you don't have boundary conversations at work now, just realize boundary chats can sound like:

- "Ow! That hurts!"

- "I'm so sick of these men trying to put their hands on me.  I hate this place!"

- "You can't do that! It's against the rules 😡"

- "No, I'm not gonna do full service in the back." 

- "What do you mean she said we all do that here? She must have been lying!"

- "Sure baby, we can do whatever you want in VIP!" (spends the entire room arguing with a customer that feels lied to, and no one has a good time). 

And listen, if you're struggling with chatting boundaries in the club, I get it.  It's not easy, no one shows you how to do it when you start dancing, and if you don't get ahead of these conversations the club can end up feeling like you're just pushing off hands and mouths all day, or reluctantly letting them go past your boundaries so you can get to the bag.

I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that these tips will get all customers on your side, or that there won't be disrespectful or pushy customers that try to get more than you bargained for.  BUT... what I will say, is working on the boundaries conversation and feeling more confident when you ask customers to listen to you can go a long way! 

There are plenty of customers that will behave better, listen to you more, and stop giving you excuses if you take control of the boundaries talk, but that's gonna take some action on your part. 

So, let's get into some ways that you can take charge of enforcing boundaries without losing out on money or customers! 

• Make it about them, not you:  within the first few seconds of a dance, bring up boundaries! Not just your own...in fact, I like to start by bringing up just their boundaries. Phrases like “if you don’t like how something feels, tell me,” or “if anything isn’t comfortable let me know"  go a long way when you say “I don’t like how that feels,” or “that’s too much too fast” down the line. 

• Make it about fun, not rules: “I like when you wrap your hands around my waist,” “I have a thing for when you run your hands through my hair,” give him something to do to make you feel good, and redirect his attention from the things you don’t want on the agenda. 

• Cool, calm, comfortable: yelling “THERE ARE CAMERAS” or “THAT’S AGAINST THE RULES” usually escalates conflict, and just starts the “well what if they can’t see” or “I know the manager.”  If you come at it as the one in control and with a good plan, you’ll get a lot less arguing and excuses. If you come at it as a hall monitor, they will react accordingly.

• Walk in with a plan: what are your boundaries? Have you sat down for a bit and thought through what you’re not comfortable with? How about what you are comfortable with? The more you know about your own lines in the sand, the more options you have on the table.  “Yes you can put my whole foot in my mouth, no you can’t touch me there while you do it,” is absolutely fair!

• Do more than just a dance: how do you want to spend time at the club? Do you want to be a dominatrix? Do you want to be his fake girlfriend? Do you have a penchant for unlicensed therapy sessions? As long as what you feel like doing matches what he thinks of as entertaining/interesting/captivating, you’re in business! The more options you have for how you spend time with customers, the less time he’ll have to complain/get bored/start the octopus hands routine.

• Have an exit strategy! There are some customers I will not do business with.  Not because they’re (necessarily) bad people, but because neither one of us will be happy or comfortable.  If he wants X and ONLY X and you absolutely don’t offer X under any circumstances (and you’ve already checked that he won’t be satisfied with Y, or Z) then it’s ok to move on to the next one! Telling him you’re going to do something you don’t actually plan on following through with and then going to do a dance/room just to argue and do jiu jitsu in heels will exhaust you mentally and emotionally, and honestly make it much harder to show up to the club at 100%.

• And finally, use your body to enforce boundaries! Yes, there are a lot of verbal tools to bring up boundaries, but if words aren't cutting it it's time to take action.  Step away every time he reaches somewhere he shouldn't.  Make him sit on his hands.  Gently slap his hand away, or place it somewhere you are comfortable having it.  Slide off his lap and to the other side of the room if you have to! 

If you're having trouble visualizing this, I'll link to a video showing you some ways I like to make sure customers listen while I'm dancing. 

Getting comfortable with these conversations and commanding respect from customers without losing the sale does take some practice, but it will only get easier the more you do it.  

Remember, either way you're going to be talking boundaries! But the more you show up intentionally and teach customers what it takes to do business with you, the more comfortable you'll feel at the club.

There are plenty of customers that show up to the club with bad manners or no idea what they’re actually there for, so don't be afraid to advocate for yourself, or to walk away from the ones that can't get it together!